I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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