I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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