My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
