Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I touched a dick in church today
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
