i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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