I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
