I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
