Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
