why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
