Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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