Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
