Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I didn't notice because vodka
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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