Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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