Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
