So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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