the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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