I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
