it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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