Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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