dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Too much gin, very little bucket
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
