I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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