Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
