Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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