Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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