I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
