Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
