your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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