don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
