I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
