Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
