i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
