I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
