It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
