Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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