I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
