My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
