You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
