wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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