Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
