I think im going to throw up on grandma
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
