meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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