I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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