Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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