Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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