I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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