look no pants
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Less talking, more tequila
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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