im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
