I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
