the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just want nice things and good sex
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's no shave November. This is our time.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
