If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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