the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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