hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have feelings that need drinking.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
