Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
