You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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