Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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